Stepping In Faith

The Essence Of Love

• Stepping In Faith • Season 1 • Episode 12

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What if our understanding of love is all wrong? In "The Essence of Love," we explore how love is often misconstrued, looking beyond the surface to uncover its true nature as a divine gift rather than a mere human emotion. We promise that by the end of our discussion, you'll gain a fresh perspective on how love, guided by the Holy Spirit, can transcend selfish human inclinations and societal norms.

Throughout our conversation, we shed light on the pitfalls of relying solely on emotions in our relationships and decision-making. With insights from scripture and personal stories, we unravel how faith can lead us to a more authentic expression of love. By examining the consequences of choices driven by feelings, we underscore the importance of seeking divine wisdom, especially in an emotionally turbulent world, to nurture healthy and faithful connections with others.

In our final reflections, we apply these principles to the context of marriage and relationships, exploring God's blueprint for a thriving union. By embracing selfless, sacrificial love as shown by Jesus, couples can nurture relationships that mirror the sacred bond between Christ and the church. Whether you're preparing for marriage or navigating the complexities of a current relationship, our discussion offers spiritual tools to align your heart with God's will, fostering love that is both fulfilling and enduring.

Ready to dive deeper? 🎧 Join us on YouTube for the full video podcast where we explore faith, love, and relationships through a Christian lens. Whether married, single, or seeking spiritual growth, our episodes offer practical advice and profound insights to strengthen your walk with Jesus. Don’t forget to subscribe and hit the notification bell so you never miss a powerful episode. Let’s grow together in faith and purpose!
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Walter:

Welcome back to another episode of Stepping in Faith, where, together, we explore the importance of having a relationship with God and how that relationship with God can impact the relationship you have with others. I'm your host, walter. I'm joined here alongside my lovely wife. Shania. This is episode 12. What's the title of this week's episode?

Shanea:

The Essence of Love. The Essence of Love.

Walter:

The Essence of Love. All right, so we are believers. We love to start these podcasts out in prayer, and it is 12 o'clock in the morning, so I am going to hand it over to my wife, since I prayed last week or last week episode. Okay, babe, could you open us up in prayer?

Shanea:

Sure, I was about to say the Lord's Prayer, no.

Walter:

God help my wife. Holy Spirit.

Shanea:

Holy Spirit, help us, father God, we thank you. We thank you, Father God, for allowing us to be a vessel for your word. I pray, father God, that you will Holy Spirit work through us tonight. I pray, father God, that you will Holy Spirit work through us tonight and provide those or today listening with a word from the heaven that will touch them, that will bless them. In Jesus' name, we pray amen.

Walter:

Amen, amen. So the essence of love. So we went through this last week. Why are you laughing?

Shanea:

Because the size.

Walter:

Tired. Yes, so we went. God was dealing with me on love last week and I was praying again this week and I'm like, okay, God, what do you want me to discuss? And love kept coming to me, and so don't know why you did that.

Shanea:

I didn't know.

Walter:

You got to be real careful with that, because that's going to hit in the audio. So I'm like okay, love, and we just kind of just started downloading stuff into my spirit. I began to look at scriptures and just revelation just began to flow. So, love, I think it's a word that we utilize so freely. I think it's a word that we utilize so freely and we don't really think about what we're saying when we use it.

Walter:

What do you mean? Like people that say I love pizza, I love my car, I love my house, I love my job, it's so, it's used so freely. But we don't understand. And even the way that we approach love is really kind of selfish, selfishly based. You know, it's a more it's not about typically, when you approach love, it's not about what it's approach love, it's not about what. It's about what the person can do for you and it's kind of about what you do for that person or it's about what you can.

Walter:

It's it's more so about what the person does for you than it is about what you do for that person right I did this for you and and you know we talked about this before love is transactional right, it's what you can do for me, or how you make me feel. Based on what I do for you from the perspective of like okay, I did this, so I expect this from you.

Shanea:

Yeah, I guess I mean, when you look at it as like a material thing, it's like people love their cars.

Walter:

I mean. But when you think of it from a relationship perspective, that's how people approach it right. When you're sitting in counseling and your marriage is not going right or your relationship is not going right for those who get counseling within relationships, I don't know, but that's their business you sit there and say I do this, this, this, this, this and this for this person and they don't do anything for me. They don't give me the things that I need. So God was really dealing with me on the the essence of love, or what love really is, because of course, love is a fruit of the spirit, and so that already lets us know. It's something that when you approach love, the way God is intended for love to be approached it's supposed to be approached from the perspective of the spirit of God, kind of giving you the power to love yeah, well, I mean, that's why most of us don't really experience love, or how to give love or receive love, because it is based off the fruit of the spirit of god yeah, and I'm jumping ahead.

Walter:

But, matter of fact, let's just get started, okay, because I'm gonna just jump all over all right.

Walter:

So the foundation of love in the spirit, right? Um, the biggest thing is and we talked about this just before love is not something we can produce on our own, but it is a result of the holy spirit's work within us. One of the things that, um, when I was going through my conversion and, like you know, god had me in my wilderness experience, he kept telling me to love you through him. And it didn't make sense, like, what do you mean? What do you mean love her through you? And he was essentially saying that the only way that I can truly love you is by the power of the Holy Spirit. Yeah.

Walter:

Outside of that, it's impossible for me to love you from a selfless place.

Shanea:

Yeah, because you would be expecting something from me that I possibly can't give to you.

Walter:

The world teaches you to expect, or the fact of the reality is, even in those, those instances, right Based on your world experiences and your worldview, you didn't even know who you were.

Shanea:

No, or you would be loving someone in a way that they aren't able to receive, or you're loving someone, consistently expecting something back in return.

Walter:

So as you do what you do, once again it's transactional. I'm doing this because I want this from you. Right. I'm not doing this because it's coming from a selfless perspective. So the biggest thing, the example, and I like this God's design for us to love through his spirit. God's design for us is to love through his spirit, not from our soul, which is our mind, will and emotions. And the world teaches us that you should go, you should love someone based on how you feel. Yes, right, but that's not god.

Shanea:

That's based on how you feel how they treat you. I mean how they treat you to a certain extent, it's based on.

Walter:

It's based on, like when you think of love, even when you think of some of the most popular love songs, it's all based around or based on like feelings and emotions how the person make you feel yeah, but we know that feelings are fleeting, like it's here moved by our feelings because it's.

Walter:

It's here today and it's going tomorrow yeah there's times that you're going to wake up and you don't feel as if you don't feel like doing something. The bible teaches us that we're not to be moved by how we feel. We'll be moved by faith in the word of god. And the key thing is I was kind of working through all of this uh this is so good.

Walter:

The soul is connected to the fallen world, which makes it inherently wicked. Right and jeremiah 17 and 9, which is one of the first scriptures that we're going to go to tonight or this morning, and this is New King James. Let me see, this is the NLT. It says the human heart is the most deceitful of all things and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is, but the Lord searches all hearts and examines secret motives.

Shanea:

I give all people their due rewards according to what their actions deserve, right, which is really really good, because I, the lord, search all hearts and examine secret motives motives what. What came to me is you know what we talk about. All the time is when you are searching for that someone, you can't do that in your own strength because you don't know everything about their heart and you don't know what their secret motives are.

Walter:

You don don't know your heart.

Shanea:

You don't know, you don't truly know this person.

Walter:

So it digs back into what we're talking about this week.

Walter:

How can I love if I don't know what's really inside me and I don't know what's really inside you it's impossible for me to do, which is why people consistently talk about how they change and they evolve. You're trying to do something for someone that is doing nothing for them, or because, once again, unfortunately, the world teaches you to go based off of your experiences, even a lot of the church will teach you Go out and date, date as many people as you can date. Find yourself through dating people. So by the time you get to this marriage, or whatever it may be, even if it's a marriage that was designed by God, you are a broken person that has left pieces of yourself and all of these different people, and you have created what you think is best for you based on those experiences.

Walter:

Now you bring it to this person and saying I have these 10 other people I've been with, or five other people, or 15 other people I've been with. I need you to encompass all 10, 15, five of those people and love me that way.

Shanea:

But you try to define your identity by those experiences. So it's like no, I'm not going to do this. I don't like this. I don't want this.

Walter:

This is not going to happen, based off of your experiences which is why it fails once again, because we're trying to love from a fallen state and it's impossible to do, because we have to understand that, just as god has a plan and the design for love, the enemy does too, and it's just the reality of what it is. Yeah, so going from there, right, this digs into or this kind of I like this. It says God intended for us to love, and I don't think I I didn't speak on this. God intended for us to love from the spirit, not the brokenness of our soul.

Walter:

And unfortunately, because of how we approach relationships, even as believers, by the time we get into a marriage or by the time we think that we're where God has called us to be because sometimes we're not we are broken. We are very much so broken because you went through losing relationships, you went through people hurting you, you went through people mistreating you. All of this stuff hurt people, hurt people. You have trauma from your childhood, have rejection issues, you have abandonment issues. You have all of these things and you get to this person and you don't know how to love because you're already broken, you already have a misconstrued worldview and you're trying to love from that perspective or your view of love is not good.

Shanea:

It's abuses, trauma, it's all those things so you shut down to it completely.

Walter:

Yeah, which is why transformation begins when we allow the holy spirit. We gotta allow the holy spirit to renew our minds and our hearts. You have to, prior to even going through this process and saying I want to, whatever getting married or whatever the case, you have to go through transformation. Your mind has to be renewed. You have to go through the process of allowing God to peel back those layers, because there's very few people out here. It's what we're teaching and we're getting pushback for it, but there's very few people out here who live life in such a way where it's like I'm going to wait Right. I'm going to wait.

Shanea:

Right, I'm going to wait to experience this no, because people tell you that you should go out and date and you should go out and date you like how will you, and first, how will you even meet this partner?

Walter:

if you don't go anywhere, yeah, you gotta go and you gotta look for them. Yeah, you gotta figure out what you like, what you enjoy but that's not true, because that's our story.

Shanea:

We weren't out looking, no, I met him at the mailbox yeah, he was waiting on me that is a lie. You were there first he was waiting on me but anyway, ladies, you don't have to go out anywhere, you could stay in your house and god will bring your husband to you have him stay in the building a building over from you for like an entire year or two years, and you don't even know it. No, never drive by their car every day walk past them and don't even know but, but this is good, right?

Walter:

um, we have to understand that and that's what, as God was kind of just really downloading stuff in my spirit, it's like it's so simple, but it's so true. We keep trying to love from a broken state and the world teaches us to love that way.

Shanea:

Because they don't know how to do it.

Walter:

No, you're all trying to figure it out.

Shanea:

Because they don't know God. They don't know God or Jesus or you equate love and I'm.

Walter:

I'm jumping ahead to emotions. Yeah. When love is a decision. So let's move on, understanding the role of the soul and emotions Okay. So we know this the soul consists of the mind, will and emotions. That's what the soul is. It consists of the mind, will and emotions. These elements of the soul are influenced by our worldview and are shaped by a fallen world. So this is so good, as I was kind of working through all of this. Trying to love from a broken soul creates more brokenness.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, trying to love from a broken soul creates more brokenness.

Walter:

Yeah, trying to love from a broken soul creates more brokenness.

Shanea:

Yeah, because what lives in your soul? That's why hurt people, hurt people because, you're being influenced by something wicked. You're being influenced by this world, that trauma, that abuse, and satan does what he comes to kill, steal and destroy and the.

Walter:

The interesting thing is, satan always worked through us by way of trauma, the. The thing that he always tried to do with us is expose us to trauma yeah, that's how that seed is planted.

Shanea:

He always tried to expose us to trauma.

Walter:

Yeah, that's how that seed is planted. He always tried to expose us to trauma, always, always, always, and so trying to love from a broken soul creates more brokenness, and, unfortunately, majority of us are dealing with some type of brokenness. Yeah, you go and you get.

Shanea:

You go and get counseling, but counseling don't heal the brokenness no, because you don't even know where it came from most of the time no but it starts in your childhood for the most part but you and we talked about this before counseling only places a band-aid on it.

Walter:

Counseling isn't bad, no, but you need healing spiritually. You need.

Shanea:

Counseling is a good tool. It's like a survival kit, but you have to get to the root of the problem and it has surgery uprooted.

Walter:

You gotta have surgery you have to have surgery Now. Once you have surgery, we can look at counseling as like you have to go through physical therapy or something of that nature to learn how to, because even once God heals you, once you go through deliverance and you're healed, you still have to have your mind renewed. Yes, which is where counseling plays in.

Shanea:

Spiritual counseling Under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, under spiritual guidance of the Holy.

Walter:

Spirit, under the guidance of the.

Shanea:

Holy.

Walter:

Spirit counseling from like a spiritual place. Yeah. Not just regular counseling.

Shanea:

No but they have a rhema word for you.

Walter:

Yes, and they're being led by the spirit of God as they walk you through counseling. Or we talked about this when we was heading back from Charlotte that one time instead of counseling. Look at it, looking at it from a perspective of discipleship. Yes, Well yes. Discipleship, mm-hmm. So we have the soul. We know what the soul is. Now we look into the emotions, because everybody is moving based on their emotions, everybody. Mm-hmm. You want to read that definition of emotions back.

Shanea:

The definition of emotions. Emotions are feelings that arise from experiences, thoughts or situations. They can range from happiness to anger, influencing our behavior. Everything we do, unfortunately, is influenced by our emotions.

Walter:

Everything we do is influenced by our emotions and the danger of that right is emotions can be influenced by the prince of this world yeah prince of this world being satan, yeah, and they are often not trustworthy guides for making decisions, right?

Walter:

So when we think about this, we think about 2 Corinthians 5 and 7. 2 Corinthians 5 and 7 says this and this is NLT For we live by believing and not by seeing. Or a New King James Version for those who like to read it. It says for we walk by faith and not by seeing. Or a New King James Version for those who like to read it. It says For we walk by faith and not by sight, for we walk by faith and not by sight. Romans 10 and 17 says this.

Walter:

So then, faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. This is a New King James version. Nlt says so. Faith comes from hearing, that is, hearing the good news about Christ. So I think, when we look at it from this perspective, right, we have to understand that we're not to be moved by our emotions, but we'll move. We'll be moved by the word of god, the word of god being the word of god, and the word of god a rhema word, the word of god. We have to be moved by that because outside of that, we will fail right.

Shanea:

And when you have those emotions because god does give us emotions for a reason we have to go back to God and say God, why am I feeling like this? Is this of God?

Walter:

But you should never make an emotional decision or you should never go based upon emotions because, once again, we have to understand your emotions can be influenced either by God or by the enemy. Right we see Eve. I always go back to Eve and Adam because it's where it began. It was her emotions that was influenced. The enemy he enticed her. He enticed her. That was an emotional response. Yeah.

Walter:

And that's why it's so important that we are taught, or that's why we're taught. You can't be moved by how you feel. You have to be moved by the word of god. We saw adam, we saw abraham and, uh, sarah, yeah, god gave them a word and they were moved by the emotion, so they tried to create ishmael because they felt as if it was something that was impossible. Right, whenever you get, whenever you are moved by your emotions, you will get yourself in trouble. Yeah. Your emotions will lead you directly into disobedience to God.

Shanea:

Yeah, and it's not easy.

Walter:

Oh, it's not.

Shanea:

You have to go to God every single time you have these emotions. It's like God. I know I heard this word from you, but I don't see it happening.

Walter:

You have to go through the process of dying to self so you learn to understand that your emotions are there, but your emotions don't dictate what you do and so I think that is the biggest thing. And so I think that is the biggest thing, and as we move further, I'm like we're moving quickly. This is what you want, but okay, faith.

Shanea:

Is what I want.

Walter:

Yeah, you was like this is going to be 30 minutes, this is going to be like a 30-minuter. Yeah, so everything ties back to faith, so I was writing everything down, right.

Walter:

And what came to me is the importance of faith. It's by faith that you are able to operate within the fruit of the Spirit. It's by faith that you're able to trust that the Spirit of God can produce these said fruit in you. And love is a part of the fruit of the spirit. So in order to love, I have to first have faith, to believe that God can create in me the very essence of who God is. Because when we think of the fruit of the spirit, we know the fruit of the spirit of what characteristics of God.

Shanea:

So it's taken upon the DNA or the characteristics of God, right of the spirit, of what characteristics of god right, so it's taken upon the dna or the characteristics of god, right presence of god, literally.

Walter:

So it's shifting what the world has created within you. And now what's downloading, or you're downloading or allowing to be downloaded into you, the actual characteristics of God, which are the fruit of the spirit. So faith is essential for accessing the fruit of the spirit right, and without faith we cannot love the way God intended for us to love. So faith in God's word strengthens us to live by the spirit, and it's through the spirit that we are empowered to love others. Say that again Faith in God's Word strengthens us to live by the Spirit. Paul talks about this all the time. It is by the power of the Spirit, it is by having faith, it's by believing in the Spirit to help you move forward in the works of God, and by doing that, or through doing that, we are empowered to love others. Not only love others, yet also love God, which is God's desire. For us is to love God and love others. And so what do you think about that, babe? I'm putting you on the spot.

Shanea:

Why are you putting me on the spot?

Walter:

That's what we're doing.

Shanea:

I don't know why you're putting me on the spot right now, because I'm over here looking like a deer in headlights.

Walter:

Why are you looking like a deer in headlights?

Shanea:

Because it is 12 o'clock in the morning. Almost 1 o'clock, almost 1 o'clock.

Walter:

Oh, listen, I'm in it now.

Shanea:

And the spirits are spiriting right now.

Walter:

I'm in it right now, Like I am. I'm in it.

Shanea:

The spirits are spiriting right now.

Walter:

Why? Because you're tired? No, because it's it's. It's witching hours.

Shanea:

Oh, we ain't worried about that. That's listen.

Walter:

Look, everybody ain't like me I know, but I'm saying like this there's a hedge of protection around this house there is a hedge of protection we're gonna get this work in and get this word to everyone I know, but while you was over there talking about um, where were we? We're talking about, um, everything ties back to faith. I was talking about the importance of having faith in God's word. Oh, segment three right.

Shanea:

Yeah, yeah, while you were over there talking about faith in God's word, I was over here praying. Oh. Okay, so you put me on the spot, but I was in the spirit realm, okay.

Walter:

So we're talking about this. What are your thoughts?

Shanea:

Faith in God's word strengthens us to live by the spirit, and it's through the spirit that we are empowered to love others. Well, jesus said he was going to send us a helper.

Walter:

The Holy Spirit.

Shanea:

Yes, the Holy Spirit, and that's what he does. The fruit of the spirit is what love, joy, patience, peace, kindness, gentleness we can only right, we can only do that through the power of the holy spirit yeah, the bible says it's by way of the spirit.

Shanea:

The spirit produces these type of fruit right in your life right and it gave a stark difference in comparison to your flesh and it produces the fruit in your life, not just in yourself, but in everything that you touch and everything that you're around. So when you're being led by the Holy Spirit, he helps you renew your mind so that you will become more like God, more like Jesus, right Taking on the characteristics of God, but then in making decisions that also produce the fruit yeah, like your partner or your job.

Walter:

Because in everything you're doing, you're being led by the spirit of God.

Shanea:

So you will see those fruits. Are you joyful? Do you have peace? Is everyone around you kind? Are they gentle? No, am I quarreling in this relationship? Am I quarreling at work?

Walter:

Is it the spirit of God producing those fruit?

Shanea:

or is it your flesh Right? Is it something you have to continue to keep doing Now? I'm exhausted and I'm burnt out.

Walter:

Mm-hmm. And now? So that's a perfect segue into what God has designed for love to truly look like. Because we can I think we. We can talk about what, and I'm digging someplace else, but we know how love in the world look. Right, if we had to sum up love from the perspective of how the world approaches it, how would you sum that up? What do you mean?

Shanea:

The way the world teaches us to love. The way the world teaches us to love is selfish.

Walter:

We love selfishly, even when we think we are doing the right thing, we're still loving selfishly, even when we think I'm giving of myself to you. I'm doing this. I'm doing that.

Shanea:

It's still with an expectation of something back, because you will start to feel like you're not appreciated or worthy, because you're not getting what you think you deserve.

Walter:

It's because you're doing it in your own strength.

Shanea:

But, God says he will give them what he thinks they deserve, and in that scripture that you gave us earlier, which was, was that Jeremiah 17, nine and 10. The Lord specifically says I will reward you based off of your actions.

Walter:

And I don't want to jump ahead because we see the perspective of how God love looks like. First corinthians 12 right but essentially, simply put, when you're loving from the world or you're going based off of a worldview, it's the opposite of that right, yeah so, for example, agape love.

Walter:

agape love is selfless, unconditional and sacrificial. Agape love is selfless, unconditional and sacrificial. We see these examples in Christ and God, god the Father and God the Son. The Bible says For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son. That he gave his only begotten Son, that's. John 3.16.

Walter:

We've seen that jesus in the garden of gethsemane I think I have an example here yeah, I do, and I'll get into that in a second um that he literally gave up his life. Even though he was like struggling, his flesh struggling, he still made the decision to go forward with what God told him to do, even though he knew the people were rejecting him and they were rejecting him.

Walter:

Yeah, so it's the love that God has for humanity and the love he calls us to show others. Yeah, that's agape love. It's the love that God has for humanity, and not only the love that he calls for us to show others, but the love he also calls for us to show him too, it's a selfless, unconditional and sacrificial type love, and the only way that we can show that love is through the power of the Holy Spirit, because, outside of that, show that love is through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Shanea:

Because, outside of that it's impossible, because we are born into this world selfish. Yeah, we're born into this world with expectations. This world is based off of transactions.

Walter:

Yes.

Shanea:

It's all transactions.

Walter:

But from the demonic perspective, it is based off of transactions.

Shanea:

Yeah you have to give something yeah you know it's all transactionally based where god is more so about relationship well, it's all transaction based, because the only way the enemy can have access to your life is if you give him something yes, so he's always trying to get you to give him something or take something from you because when you give him something, that means you giving him access but some people would say, oh well, being there, having a relationship with god, is transactional.

Walter:

It's different it's no, it's a difference between me saying he's your creator and it's like it's god's relation. It's like it's God's relation. It's about relationship. It's about relationship. It's about relationship with God.

Shanea:

Yeah, and it's about your heart posture that I was just thinking about. Like, if you have, if you're an employee and you have your boss, like you want to build a relationship, not so that you can get a promotion, but just because you want to be close and you will learn things from them, right, you become a mentee, it's, it's, and people, people will know your motives, right? So if I'm a boss and someone's coming to me and they always want to be around me, I'm looking to see well, what do you want from me? Yeah, why are you here? Are you trying to get something from me? You know, and so that's. I believe that's how God sees us. It's like, why, why are you here?

Walter:

Are you here because you love me Right.

Shanea:

And you just want to know me, or are you here because you're trying to get something right and we have to be careful, because we're taught to be that way. We're taught to be that way. We don't know anything else? Yeah, and, and when you were talking earlier, um, about agape love and how it's selfless and unconditional and sacrificial, and you say that you said you said that the enemy makes love the exact opposite right, and so what came to me was 1 Corinthians 13, 4, where love is patient and kind.

Shanea:

Love is not jealous or boastful, or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way, it is not irritable and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance, and so when that came to mind, it really put into a perspective that when we love, it is the complete opposite of what I just read. Most of the time, you're impatient. A lot of people are impatient. They're like, oh my gosh, you're taking too long to acknowledge me, or you're taking too long to marry me, or you're taking too long to fulfill my needs, or I'm demanding something from you I want it my way and I'm not getting it my way, right, and so you get irritated. And then you start to keep records and tabs of who did what who didn't?

Shanea:

do this Right, exactly, you get offensive, and that is definitely not a fruit of the spirit.

Walter:

Yeah and well, I think. Unfortunately, it's just once again. It's what we're taught. It's something that came to me, but I forgot it. It'll come back.

Shanea:

I saw you over there.

Walter:

Yeah, it was something that came to me, but it'll come back. Holy Spirit, I thank you for bringing it back, but you did actually dig into the notes and we're touching that again. But yeah, the love that the world teaches us to have is the opposite of what god teaches us yeah it's very self-based yeah like it, it keeps records it's you. You says you should give me this. Yeah, I deserve to have this right, and if you don't give me this, I'm gonna take my love from you by the time.

Shanea:

I want it from you. I shouldn't expect and see this from you if I'm doing this so that's good.

Walter:

The world is just the opposite of what first corinthians 12 is. They teach you the opposite. Yeah, literally, or you act as if this is something that you're doing, but it's all based off of getting something in return. Yeah. So it's still not pure. No.

Walter:

And so we touched on this, right, mm-hmm. The ultimate example of selfless love is what God did by sending his son to die for us, even though we didn't deserve it. Right, that's John 3.16. And Matthew 26, 36 through 44,. This touches on the Jesus being in the garden of Gethsemane and the Bible saying that his soul was just crushed almost to the point of death because he was struggling with the fact of having to go through everything he was going to almost to the point of death, right.

Walter:

Because he was struggling with the fact of having to go through everything he was going to have to go through. And so Jesus exemplified agape love in the Garden of Gethsemane, submitting his will to the Father Despite his emotions and the pain he would endure. So agape love is about choosing to love and obey, even when it's difficult or goes against personal desires. Dying to self, agape love is literally you die to your own desires. Yeah. And you say I'm going to do what's best for this person.

Shanea:

Yeah, it's unconditional.

Walter:

There's no conditions, there's nothing attached. Right.

Walter:

There's nothing attached to it, and this goes into Christ's love for the church. Christ's love for the church is unconditional. It's so unconditional that when he sat on the cross, he said, father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. They were literally mocking him and he said, father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. So now, men and we've read this before and it's very challenging to do, but this is the type of love that God has called us to have Ephesians 5, verse 25.

Walter:

It says For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she would be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as they love their own bodies, for a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his body, but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. So, with that being the case right, it's important to understand the importance of loving the way God designed for us to love, and I think I heard Tim Ross say this before. But men, when we get married, we show up to our marriage or our wedding day, we show up to die. Yeah.

Walter:

You die to your own desires. You die to whatever it is you want. Yeah. You show up to die to self.

Shanea:

Yeah, you get married to die.

Walter:

Yeah, it's as simple as that.

Shanea:

Well, I mean, it's the same thing with Christ. I mean, when we get married to Christ, when we become his bride, we have to die.

Walter:

Yeah, and so the thing that we see right and this becomes you become a master servant when you think of Ephesians 5, 25, 29,. I love this. This means embracing humility and servitude, putting the needs of your spouse above your own desires. So, in a sense, you become a master servant. As men, we become a master servant to our wives. We submit to our wives, which is where men struggle because they're like oh, when you get married, you have to submit to me.

Shanea:

Well, you submit to your wife first yeah, well, they struggle because they are trying to love from a worldly perspective. Yeah. Which is selfish.

Walter:

And I think loving the way God designed is impossible outside of a relationship with him and they will look at you like you're crazy for doing it.

Walter:

Yeah, but the only way. Because once again the Bible says For God so loved the world that he gave his only son. The Bible teaches us that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. The Bible shows us that Jesus actually washed the feet of his disciples. Jesus was always serving the people. He was always accepting them where they were, meeting them, where they were walking through life with them and doing life with them. He was always concerned with the needs of the people as he did the will of the Father Right. So loving the way God designed is impossible outside of a relationship with God. For men, it's you having a relationship with God that teaches you how to love. For women, it's you having a relationship with God that teaches you how to love.

Shanea:

Yeah, and we said this, and I don't remember what episode it was but you can't love outside of Christ. No, it's impossible If you don't know Christ, because because christ, he is the epitome of what love is. He shows us the epitome of what love looks like, and if you don't know him, then you can't possibly know what love is well, you can love, but it's not going to be something that's sustained or sustainable.

Walter:

It's going to be something that's going to be fleeting.

Shanea:

It's here today. No, it's going to feel like what you think love should be.

Walter:

Sometimes you're going to hate them Sometimes. You're going to be this. I don't want to be bothered, and it goes into the next point. Many marriages fail because they are built on worldly definitions or the worldly definition of love, rather than God's framework of sacrificial, selfless love. Many marriages fail because they are built on worldly definition or a worldly definition of love, rather than God's framework of sacrificial, selfless love. That's the reality of what it is, because when you approach that marriage, first of all, when you're in a marriage that was designed by God first a covenant that was designed by God and then you approach that marriage the way God designed for you to approach it you have two people essentially that are showing up and dying. Yeah, you have two people essentially that are showing up and dying. Yeah.

Walter:

The husband shows up and die first, which in return would show the wife.

Shanea:

He become the example to the wife, because Christ became the example to us as a church. Well, I think it's easier to go through this process prior to meeting or looking for a spouse and we were talking about this, about being in your wilderness season so that you can know God's voice, know what God looks like, know what he's telling you to do, know your purpose, and so it's easier to continue out that plan even when you have a so-called distraction, because you're so used to following God's word. It's like in your DNA.

Shanea:

Yeah, and I mean so dying to self is like it's hard, but it's not something that you're just learning how to do because now you're in a marriage.

Walter:

Yeah, and I wouldn't say marriage is a distraction. I know Paul said that, yet Paul also did not want to be married. Yeah, and people use Paul to justify the things that they do. Paul was saying this is me speaking, not god. I believe marriage is a distraction because I'm not married and I don't think you should be married yeah, and I'm not saying marriage, I'm not calling marriage a distraction. I'm just saying in general. I'm speaking on engine because I know no it came up.

Shanea:

It came up also when I said distraction, I'm like dang paul, but what I was saying was that there are there are a lot of other challenges that can come along with being with another person.

Walter:

Yeah, yeah. It's the perfect example of the reflection of Christ in the church. Ultimately, your marriage should be an example of Christ's marriage to the church, christ's marriage to the bride, which is the church. Your marriage should be an example of that. It should literally, which is why you would want to be, and we recommend people being in godly marriages, because it leads people back to Christ. That is the ultimate goal, for that. One of the things you should be doing is leading people back to Christ through the reflection of your marriage. It should be a light in people back to christ through the reflection of your marriage.

Walter:

It should be a light in this world full of darkness.

Shanea:

Your life right and your marriage should be a light so when you do have those challenges, it's a reminder hey, we got to do this god's way, not how we think we should do it not. I'm going to try and get you to follow God's way, but you guys are already on the same page Like, hey, this, this is, this is not God.

Walter:

Yeah.

Shanea:

We got to stop.

Walter:

That's the only way that you're really going to be have a fulfilling marriage is by doing it the right way. We other episodes we touched on. You know God actually leading you to that person, but even before that, you go through the wilderness experience. You have your experience with God so you can learn God's voice. All of these things are important, which leads to the point of you being here and unfortunately, we are in a world where a lot of people date. So even when you have your conversion or you have your encounter with God, you've dated a lot. So you need to be healed, you need to be delivered, your mind has to be renewed, you have to let go of those things because you develop an appetite that is not of God.

Shanea:

Or you have developed habits.

Walter:

That is not of God. And you want to carry those habits into this relationship that you're trusting that God is going to bless you with this husband or wife, that God is going to bless you with this, this husband or wife that God is going to bless you with, but you want to carry in these habits that are not godly, these desires that are not godly. So you have to go throughout this whole process.

Shanea:

It's a process you have to go through a pruning process, Because the rest of the world is like that's normal.

Walter:

Yes.

Shanea:

You should feel that way.

Walter:

But you will fail because you are a believer and you are not to be moved or go based on the world. We talked about this before. The church allows the world to set or dictate the culture in the church and the church should dictate the culture in the world.

Shanea:

Oh, absolutely, that's how it was supposed to be.

Walter:

The world should look at the church, which is being led by the kingdom of God. They have a kingdom mind, they have a relationship with God and be like, okay, what is it that you have? But in many cases, unfortunately, the world look at the church and say I don't want that, because you see something wrong with you.

Shanea:

Right? You look just like me.

Walter:

And you look worse because you're supposed to have it together and you don't. So I might as well just live life the way I'm living it. Why?

Shanea:

would I come and do what you do, right, because you're over here praising the Lord. So I think, and still in the same places that I'm in.

Walter:

Exactly.

Shanea:

And but you're, you're condemning me for the things that I'm doing, just because I don't go to church and pray and do all those things. But you're doing all those things and doing the same things I'm doing. You're no different. No.

Walter:

You're worse? Yes, because you're in church. And you're being disobedient and you should be set free from this, and you're not, and you're trying to judge me.

Speaker 4:

So we, that's, so I that. To wrap this up, it's as simple as this.

Walter:

When we try to love on our own terms, we fail to reflect god's true love for us and others as believers. That's as simple as it is. When we try to love on our own terms, we fail to reflect god's true love for us and others and we are to be the example yeah we are to be the salt of the world.

Walter:

We are to be the light of the world. Our light is dim right now. So we we touched on this before. I think we I said I talked about this in the comment section. Marriage is an institution that was designed by God. You saw the first example of that with Adam and Eve, and so I trying to create a covenant outside of God's love and framework leads to failure. Yeah.

Walter:

Marriage was designed by God. So trying to access this outside of God, you will fail. First Corinthians 12, four through seven we touched on that. This is the way God designed love and relationships, particularly in marriage. It's outlined here. Without following that model, failure is inevitable. But the thing is and this was so good as I was writing it and I can't take credit and I give it to the Holy Spirit the problem is this right here, many couples mistake failure as the norm in marriage.

Shanea:

I know it's what keeps people in bondage and keeps people up in arms in our comment section.

Walter:

Mm-hmm. They mistake failure as the norm. They look at failure in marriage as success.

Shanea:

Yes, it's like oh, your marriage isn't successful because you guys don't go through it.

Walter:

You ain't got no problems. You're not arguing, you're not bickering, you're not going through not being happy.

Speaker 5:

That's marriage. This is the way marriage is supposed to look Really, is it? Yeah? Should you not be happy with your spouse? Should your spouse not be able to speak life into you? Should your husband not be able to recognize what God has called you to? Should you, as the woman, be praying more than me as the husband? Should you be the watchman of our family? Right, should you be be praying more than me as the husband? Should you be the watchman of our family? Right should you be in church more than I'm in church?

Shanea:

should the woman be the watch.

Speaker 5:

Should I not be at church with you?

Shanea:

right? Are you at home watching television while I'm out?

Speaker 5:

should I not be in my word exactly in which they should go should I not be in my word just as much as you're in your word? Should I not?

Walter:

be able to see and recognize the plans of the enemy.

Shanea:

No, because Paul said you can be with an unbeliever and be in an unequally yoked marriage.

Walter:

Paul was speaking to Romans.

Shanea:

But he also did not say that?

Walter:

What book is that in? What book is that in? That is, in Romans. People have to look at what people in Rome was doing.

Shanea:

Right? Well, the thing is, Paul was giving people advice based off of the fact that they were not following God's original design.

Walter:

He's like look, if this is what you want, to do, sure. And he said clearly, with that you don't have to.

Shanea:

Yes, sure he said clearly with that you don't have to. Yes, you could possibly change a believer, change an unbeliever to a believer, but who really knows?

Walter:

because god is the only one that can change people's hearts but the fact, why even go through it, exactly, why even put yourself through it?

Shanea:

bothers it, really bothers me that people are up in arms in the comments trying to argue us down about being in an unequally yoked relationship Marriage.

Walter:

It's weird foundation will always be follow God. And for those who are in marriages that are in bondage and that you're being abused and you're being mistreated and the church is telling you that you have to stay in that marriage, I will tell you any day of the week that that is not of God.

Shanea:

No, because there's so much warfare when you are just in general, because the enemy hates us.

Walter:

He don't like humans at all You're going to deal with warfare anyway within your marriage, but it's even more greater when you're dealing with warfare from within because you created a covenant. Yeah, you knew that dude was no good. You knew that woman was no good. Right, you women, women do this more than men.

Shanea:

You get with men and you think that you can change them right, or you get with men who claim to be christian but they don't know god, and so they barely go to church what I was saying was it's it's hard because you don't have any protection there.

Speaker 5:

There is so much warfare that you can't see with your natural eye or, more importantly, he or she is bringing warfare directly to you. Yes, you are battling within your home.

Walter:

You already have to deal with outside sources and outside people trying to come at you from the outside Right. You already have to deal with the enemy trying to come at you already.

Shanea:

Right or now. You were an unbeliever and now you are a believer, and now your marriage is going to hell. Right now.

Walter:

And at that point you got to pray and ask God to give you wisdom, because there are instances and we're not saying it's not there are instances where you can be two unbelievers and God bring you together. He did it with us, but then he also actually separated us to take me through a process of being everything he called me to be, then brought us back together, though. So we're not saying that you can get married and be married to the person God has called you to be with and both be unbelievers, but we're saying that when you are going in and approaching it from that perspective, you're going to deal with a lot of challenges that you may not have to necessarily deal with.

Shanea:

Right, especially because one or both of you can't see what's going on.

Walter:

Yeah, and it's even more challenging when the man can't see what's going on.

Shanea:

It's even more challenging.

Walter:

Because he's the leader, because he's the leader. So that's even more of a challenge in that perspective, because now, as a woman, you have to operate in a role that you were never intended to operate in Exactly so, it's a lot. Yeah.

Walter:

And so I think how we approach this is we have to recognize God's design for marriage as a covenant based on love, servitude and faith, and this is crucial in order to overcome any challenges that you may face. The way that you're able to be successful in a marriage is doing it God's way from the beginning and throughout it. That is the only way that you're able to be successful in a marriage is doing it God's way from the beginning, yeah, and throughout it. Yeah.

Walter:

That is the only way that you're going to be successful, because failure in marriage comes when we stray away from God's blueprint, and true success is found in living out his love through faith.

Shanea:

Right, and that starts with a foundation, if your foundation is rooted in god's love it has to be.

Shanea:

If it's rooted in anything else, it's going to fail because we've been through some stuff yes, based on cost, based on decisions that we made, we went through a lot of things that we didn't necessarily have to go through yeah, and we we've gone through a lot of stuff right early in the beginning and was able to deal with it, but only through the power of the Holy Spirit. So it's like now, going forward, we have a blueprint, we have a framework, we have a foundation.

Speaker 5:

Yeah.

Shanea:

So when things start to crumble and get down to the nitty-gritty we have, we always have that, that foundation to start back at one.

Walter:

Well, it's recognizing that part of the reason that you deal with those things is because of decisions that you made outside of god, which is why we try to encourage people not to make decisions outside of god yeah not to do what you want to do, because when you do what you want to do, you Because when you do what you want to do you will set yourself up for failure, you will set yourself up for attacks and you're literally telling the enemy I'm giving you legal access to this area of my life to do whatever you want to do, right To raise hell.

Shanea:

And your father loves you. He has an unconditional love for you. Yet you still have to deal with the consequences.

Walter:

Yes.

Shanea:

And even just loving people in general. You can unconditionally love someone, but there are still consequences to their actions and how they treat you.

Walter:

Yeah, why would you want to be I'll say it like this why would you want to be in a relationship with someone God never designed for you to be with? Because it's going to be impossible for that person to love you the way that God designed for that person to love you. Because they're not meant for you. Right. You're trying to make something work that's not meant for you, and at its worst, they could literally damage you well, people tell you that you should work at it yes I don't understand because you're talking low sometimes am I too low?

Shanea:

am I too low or am I too loud?

Walter:

you'd be too low sometimes okay, I can't continue.

Shanea:

People tell you you should work at it. I would say that you shouldn't get in and get in an.

Walter:

You'd be too low sometimes. Okay, I can't tell People, tell you you should work at it. I would say that you shouldn't get in it in the first place. No, you shouldn't be dating. It's too many situations out here. There's too many people out here who are manipulative, who are controlling, who are conniving.

Shanea:

But you, even yourself, might be controlling and manipulative and don't even know it yeah. Which is why you really have to go through the process of having a relationship with. God, because you only find your true identity in Christ. You don't really know who you are.

Speaker 5:

so you're coming to a relationship where you don't know who you are and you don't even know who this other person is yeah, so it's blind leading blind, blind dating the blind yeah

Walter:

yeah. So I think, a few points to make before we end this, and I don't think it was this long this time. First, true love begins with intimacy with God and following his guidance through the Holy Spirit. Marriage and all relationships can thrive when we love with the God. We love the love that reflects God's character. So faith in God renews our minds and the guidance of the Holy Spirit empowers us to love the way God intended for us to love Outside of that is impossible. Outside of that, it's impossible. Outside of that, it's impossible.

Walter:

You are experiencing something that will not sustain you or that marriage, even if you are where God has called you to be. Right. You will fail. You will fail, you will fail. You will fail without God. I don't know what you're saying.

Shanea:

It's okay. So you will fail without God, so anything that you want to leave us with um no, I think um has people listened to this, that they will reflect on the decisions that they have made, and I just hope that this encourages people to build a deeper relationship with God so that they know who they are and who they should be with, and what that person looks like.

Walter:

Yeah, are, and who they should be with, and what that person looks like, yeah, and even in your relationships with friends. This all is important for you to even be able to love them, to love your brother in the faith, to love your sister in the faith. This is all important because all of these relationships should be approached from a selfless type perspective.

Speaker 4:

What All of these relationships should be approached from a selfless type perspective.

Shanea:

What, what? You keep tapping your ears, is it me?

Walter:

No, I'm tapping my ears because the earpiece keep coming out.

Shanea:

Oh, okay, I thought you kept signaling me.

Walter:

No.

Shanea:

And that's why I'm like over here, confused I'm like adjusting, I'm adjusting my ear.

Walter:

I'm like adjusting, I'm adjusting my ear.

Shanea:

I'm like adjusting my mic.

Walter:

Because my earpiece is coming out, that's all. No, I'm not. If I'm saying you're too loud, I'll do this. I touch the mic, I don't do the ear thing.

Shanea:

Oh, because you kept tapping your ear. I was tapping my ear because the earpiece was coming out. Oh, that's what you was asking.

Walter:

Yes, you should have just asked no, I was literally adjusting my earpiece.

Speaker 5:

Oh.

Walter:

For those who aren't looking at the actual episode. My wife is talking about the fact of me adjusting my earpiece. Anyone that have these in-ear monitors know that, as you see, singers and all they're consistently adjusting them and you know doing all of this stuff.

Shanea:

My bad, I thought it was like a secret code or something. No, it's not.

Walter:

It's literally just adjusting it, pushing it back in my ear. So, okay, that's a great place to leave our listeners. Hopefully this has been a blessing to you all. Ultimately, sum it up, when you think of love, you have two ways to approach it. You're going to either approach it from the perspective of what the world teaches you, or you're going to approach it from the perspective of what God teaches you. In our experience, we've learned that when you approach this from a godly perspective, it will lead to you being successful, and it's so much less stressful.

Shanea:

Yeah. Because, you're not relying on yourself?

Walter:

You're like okay, god you got it.

Shanea:

Even when we get into it, it's like all right, God, that's your son, you know him.

Walter:

And then when you have the Holy Spirit, the Holy Spirit kind of keeps you. He will tell you when you're wrong.

Shanea:

Or stop you.

Walter:

Or stop you from saying something you shouldn't say, and so I think that's so important and you're reminded of what love is, even if it's something as simple as the Holy spirit telling me you have to die to self. You have to die to self. You know you have to love her through me, and so I think that's a good place to stop. Yeah, uh, thank you all. We appreciate you all for listening in this week. We pray that this has been a blessing to you and we will see you next week. Is anything else you want to say, babe?

Shanea:

no, that's it like comment, subscribe.

Walter:

It's not for us, it's really just more so for you share it if this has been a blessing yeah, and go back and listen to the other videos, because everything has been kind of, or the other episodes, because everything has been tying together.

Shanea:

Yeah, going to tie all together and if you have any experiences or questions or anything? Just leave us some comments. We'll get to you, yeah.

Walter:

It'd be a lot of. One particular video has been having a lot of comments on it, Like it's something that's so controversial.

Shanea:

Yeah, it's not really spoken on very much.

Walter:

People and their feelings, but it's okay. Okay, until next week, god bless. Yes, we'll see you then. All right, bye-bye. All right, bye.